Welcome back my friends to the show that never ends. We’re so glad you could attend…come inside come inside. g. lake
Step right up, step right up. Come see what has befallen our daring young man as the morning broke upon him after a night of bathroom bedevilment. Phew, and what a night it was. Yes, the sun rose. The day began just like it has for centuries. For epochs.
It was about 7am, and I realized that there was no question to be deliberated. I knew what needed to be done. This was about him…The Boy…about us…to boldly conquer the world of Celebration IV. So I gingerly rose from my bed and looked at him asleep in the other bed. Sound asleep.
“No no no no no,” I thought to myself. “This will not do.”
I quietly made my way to the suitcases and found a sock. (It was a clean white athletic one…sheesh I am not THAT mean.) I then stood over his bed and, dangling it from my hand, let the toe of the sock lightly play about his face. I let it dance like some grammar school marionette at the hands of its puppeteer. He woke…and laughed, and immediately asked about me. What a boy. I told him I would be fine, but we were taking some extra precautions today. First, breakfast for me would be liiiiiight. He had a good one, though, and we were ready to go a little early as I told him I needed to make a stop on the way. There was a drugstore very close to our hotel, so it wouldn’t put us far out of our way or our schedule. Today was autograph day!!!
We pull into the drugstore and went inside to find the grail of my quest for this morning. There in the aisle did I spy it: hand sanitizer. Oh yes, my friends, that clear, glorious gel of alcohol-smelling, cleansing relief…in travel sizes baby. Booh-yah! And I bought a few. More than a few. I had one in each of my front pants pockets and spares in a pack. No more would the foul germs of fanboyz and geekgirlz from across the globe interfere with our plans. Squirt squirt, rub rub, and we were protected. I am not kidding when I say we.
As we walked around the convention that day I was like a sanitizing superhero. No way was I going to let either of us get sick. We had our hands on the rail of the stairs? squirt Touched that sculpture that was previously touched by the kid dressed as Greedo? Squirt!!! Getting something to eat? SQUIRT!!! Went to the bathroom? Gimme your hands, boy. SQUIIIIRT SQUIIIRT!!! (I think I may have gone a little squirt crazy.) But hey, he was my ward for this trip. I was NOT going to let him down. So off we were throughout the day exploring the sights, sounds, and sanitizing squirts of the Star Wars convention including the costume contest. Finally, though, the time had arrived for us to make our way into the autograph hall. I had no idea what to expect, and I’m glad I had no expectations.
Originally published in September of 2017.