Howling At the Moon

Wulf has been pacing a bit of late. I have been mentally roaming the psychological woods near my den, restlessly padding the moss covered floor while trying to understand something. I am attempting to get my bearings, and to understand the transition I am experiencing in my writing. I alluded to it in some comments, but I haven’t dedicated a post to it. Until now. I’ll beg a little indulgence from you at this point.

Maybe, I wouldn’t feel so odd about this place I find myself if I was a prose writer. Maybe I wouldn’t feel it as much if I hadn’t published so many poems in the last year. I had no idea I might be considered a writer when this narcissistic journey began. A quick check shows over 380 posts on my blog. Yes, there are some reposts, but the majority of my entries are unique. While many of them are Rush Reboots and Song Lyric Sunday prompted entries, the majority of my creative writings are definitely verse. So poet I am called. Something I would have never, ever imagined.

I’ve written a lot about lust, love (some erotic), and longing as well as works of floral and celestial (sunrise/sunset) inspiration. I’ve come to wonder whether that was just a course that needed running. Are they easier to write about? Were they the safe path? I ask myself this because of the void that is tangible to me. This wordsmith (a humbling honorific), as some of you refer to me, feels as though my tongue has swollen and fills this mouth. It seems thick. Heavy. I still see the same things I saw before. I still see the beauty. I still understand want and need, lust and love. I just find myself fearful of a loop. I do not ask these questions for sympathy or validation. You have given me way more than I think I deserve. It’s these questions I ask of myself.

Is that all there was? Am I afraid to journey ahead into unknown lands and away from the words that brought me some attention (see narcissistic journey above)? Am I afraid that there is a mantle of fraud waiting to be donned? Am I incapable of the complex while remaining unique? Am I even unique at all? Or am I simply projecting a perception that isn’t there? This is a very busy time in the real world for me. Is it just that I have not the head space to withdraw and let the words take hold the way they used to? To let myself go and let the voice become the Wulf? Or is it something else that I haven’t even considered?

So now I seem to push beyond what I wrote. How I wrote. Why I wrote. But is it natural or a forced migration that I find myself in now? Is what I feel part of whatever my journey and process needs to be? Or is this a delusion; just another moment of narcissistic exploration? Am I merely perpetuating a persona and howling at the moon?

34 comments

  1. Brother, this voice you possess is so real it hurts the mind and heart to even contemplate you thinking it fraud.

    Evolution is some ugly shit. Random, chaotic, without manual or time table.

    Add to that the time pressures you have at this moment, and self-induced madness is a real possibility.

    Keep howling, you wonderfully formed beast. And if there be a valley? Prowl around it and breathe deep until your pen leads you in the direction it wishes to go.

    Never, ever put aside what has blossomed within you. Give it room to breathe slower, as all living things need from time to time. Love ya ❤️

    Oh, and STFU about being a fraud or I’ll bite you myself 😊

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Thank, you sis. Please understand that I am just questioning things. There is no mistaking the inner change. I am just opening up about it and sharing all the questions…ugly and self-defeating as well as environmental.

      I know the warrior in you is hearing a clarion call to arms in defense of your brother Wulf. Stay your sword and armor…for now. I promise you I will let you know if that time does come.

      Liked by 3 people

  2. I guess we shall see? You are the pack leader… aren’t you? (Just messing with you!) Entirely too serious dear Wulf. You have a gift, nothing more, nothing less. Yes, wordsmith comes to mind as you wield the pen or the keyboard. Don’t look for what’s next. We never know. Just do you. That is all I expect… so should you. xo~Kim

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Jest appreciated, Kim. I don’t think I am looking for what’s next. I think it’s more that the uncertainty that I am feeling would have been something I could have grabbed hold of in verse. Instead I was unable to do find the voice for it…so it came out this way.

      Liked by 3 people

  3. I don’t think love poetry is a safe path as you call it, and besides yours is quite unique.
    You howl of hope, desire, you struggle, you yearn and ache….
    Even when you lose your voice, to contemplate other words, I know you’ll be back. You change with every new experience, and so does your poetry. Just because you write of love it doesn’t mean your poems are repeating.

    There are nights when wolves are silent, then just listen the moon howling.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. I cannot stress this enough…..writing love poems is hard, it is really really hard. I think love poems are actually the most difficult poems to write. I totally agree with Bojana. Love poems are not a safe path. Poetry is not a safe path, but it is your path, Wulf, and although not safe, it is beautiful!

      Liked by 4 people

  4. We have talked about this and you know how I feel, but some things bear repeating. I know that you aren’t asking for validation, but I will tell you again and again that your gift is undeniable. I have felt a transition in your poetic voice for a while, and from the outside, it is an exciting thing to see. From the inside, I know how scary it can be to face the evolution of your voice and the self doubt that comes with that. It is especially hard when you are in the process of discovering yourself as a poet. You have a gift that will always exist on two sides of a coin; one that compels you to express yourself through poetry in a way that is so uniquely beautiful and purely from the depths of your heart, and the other side that will lead you to wonder if you are doing the right thing. As our lives change, our writing changes and as our writing evolves, the way we look at ourselves as writers changes These transitions are difficult, but can be glorious as well. I wish that I could tell you that the feelings of self doubt, of being a fraud, will go away forever, but I can’t. You will keep writing poetry and your poetry will grow and change and the self doubt will appear and fade away and rear it’s ugly head and sink beneath waves. We are oceans, but we are not alone. When the self doubt creeps in, you know where to find solace. You find it in the words, be it through poetry or prose. You find it in the music. And you find it here in this community that believes in you and in your incredible talent. You are a poet, Wulf, a brilliant poet, and all that comes with that truth, with your truth.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Susan, yes we have talked about this. Your kind words and advice are profound and I take them to heart. All of them. Your perspective and experience is invaluable to me, so I am not simply saying those words.

      I agree that it is the inner conflict driven by growth that adds a layer of trepidation to the experience. And I do know where to find the solace. ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

      Liked by 2 people

  5. I love your voice in all its many forms. We all have moments of uncertainty about our writing, me as much as anyone, but as long as you keep writing, that’s the main thing. Keep pulverizing the grapes until the sweet wine comes out.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. The act of writing poetry itself releases all our inner passions AND our inner doubts. In order to produce truly exquisite work one must tap into that part of us that feels everything, that questions everything. I’m with the gals above, in that writing poetry is a lot of WORK, and that kind of work can be exhausting. At least, for me, it is. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I read this the other night and I got distracted and didn’t comment. But I’m back. You, my friend, are a wordsmith. I have been in awe of your talents since I read your first poem. I am almost envious of the images you conjure and in awe of your talent for prose as well. It is your voice, don’t overthink it. If you want to go in a different direction then go with it. I call it a “Gump moment”. You went for a run, a long run. You ran for days, weeks, months and one day you just stop running. You want something different but don’t know what it is yet.
    Whatever direction you are heading in it will never be called fraud and I am sure it will be brilliant.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. What a powerfully, supportive compliments Billy. I believe that doubt is just part of the lifecycle. Thank for for such incredible praise. This was greatly needed and offered at the best time.

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s