Walking Over Cats

I am a huge Monty Python fan. I started watching them as a young lad, and was hooked. If ever you want to know why the Wulf is the way he is, you can blame part of it on this amazing comedy troupe. My pubescent and intellectually developmental years were spent watching episodes of Monty Python’s Flying Circus on PBS. I saw the movie Monty Python and the Holy Grail many times before graduating from high school, and I also crossed a picket line to see The Life of Brian in the predominantly Roman Catholic city of New Orleans. One of my all-time favorite skits is the Ministry of Silly Walks. Here is the entire sketch for those of you so inclined to watch a 4:54 classic. I recommend you do to truly get the visual of what I am about to tell you.

Just in case you didn’t know…we have cats. Many cats. A whole fucking lot of cats. Rescues, adoptions, sick strays, etc. All taken in and given the best care that money can buy. (BELIEVE me when I say that shopping at PetsMart is like paying a second freaking mortgage. Oh the things we could own if not for them.) Our cats range in age from about 5 to about 20. Yes I said about 20. I told you we take REALLY, REALLY good care of them. You might have heard me refer to this house as the island of misfit poods. If you hadn’t before, well you just did now. The reason I say this is because of the plethora of problems that permeate throughout our horde. We have 1 with diabetes that we test twice daily and give insulin. We have one that is FIV positive. Currently one is in kidney failure but happy and hanging. Our diabetic also as connective tissue disorder so bad that she can bend and be bent in any number of odd positions, like folding her tail completely over back. She looks like she is made of elastic. We have a couple with ulcerative colitis, so YAY on the product of THAT condition. So what the hell does any of this have to do with silly walks? Sheesh…impatient much?

Well, trying to walk in our house can lead to all manner of survival steps. It is not just tiptoeing and walking slowly such as…

silly walks 2

“The right leg isn’t silly at all, and the left leg merely does a forward aerial half-turn every alternate step.” … j cleese

Oh dear dear no. I am talking full-on, combat ready, silly walking at it’s very finest.

silly walks

And why does this happen you ask? You did ask, right? You didn’t? You know you want to. Oh, good. I am so glad you asked.

One cannot seem to take a step or a turn without risking crushing one of our furry friends. The could be on the other side of the room from you, but the moment you move, they are heading right where you are planning on planting your next step. Even better trying to do this while carrying things, such as groceries, when you really can’t see. Oh but you sure HEAR when you’ve dropped your size 10 on a tail. If you were to watch, you would see me doing my very best Cleesian lift, kick, twist and twirl to avoid reducing our population. So if you ever hear that the Wulf has “fallen and can’t get up” because he broke a hip. You know who and what to blame it on.

25 comments

  1. Hahaha, great visual, Wulf! We have, for the last 20 years, had 4 cats move with us 3 times. In the last few years, one by one, they have gone to the great fur post in the sky, leaving us the most daring and noble of the lot, Majesty. She is terminal and scratching on death’s screen door. Within a few weeks we will say goodbye to the last of a great litter (a mother and three babies, to be exact). We do not intend to re-up at this time.

    Over the years, however, I have had to dodge these four cats, and the three large dogs we had at the same time as them from 2009-2012. I feel your pain.

    A great piece, my friend, and a great laugh to start my Monday right!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yes, then, you so know what I was writing about. Part of our horde are a momma her four boys. She was one of our outside cats that survived Katrina. She showed back up while we were cleaning and throwing stuff out. Then her four kittens came bounding out. Most of the rest are solo odds and ends.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I have a great image that I recently found, that has cats curled up in a big bowl of ramen, slurping down noodles. I have yet to learn how to place an image in a comment, so I can not post it here. It I actually get around to making a blog post, maybe I’ll pop it in.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Great post. I LOVE the Pythons too. I recently watched Life of Brian (again), crying with laughter.
    As for the cats, I gotta admit I’m not much of a fan (sorry); I’m more a dog person. But I get the picture and can’t help but sympathize esp. with the one with UC. If sb understands her, it’s me. I didn’t even know animals could have it. But then again, why not. After all, we have the same organs.

    Now, let’s move to lighter topics. Did you watch Michael Palin’s travels?

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Haha, I’m sure she/he is fascinating.
        As for M. Palin, make sure you find him. That’s your homework assignment.

        I’m off to bed now to try to get some sleep before my baby awakes (say, in an hour or so). It’s almost midnight in Europe, you know.
        So long and have a nice day, George. Talk to u soon.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. With tears rolling down my cheeks I read this not only because The Ministry of Silly Walks is my all-time favorite Circus sketch, but also because I think I might live in your house. Well, not really your house, but a house just like yours. We have 5 beasties who all want to be right under foot, er, crutch and wheelchair only ALL THE TIME. They will lay on the floor behind me when I’m at the counter or whenever I need to back up and then grumble, yell, and fuss at me when I shoo them away so I can get on with my day. They run under the convenient hole left by a nonexistent left foot and only almost trip me a dozen times a day. They think the wheelchair is their personal perch and make no bones about telling me what a pest I am when I try to share it with them because they won’t let me boot them completely.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. This and the Late Parrot are my 2 favorites. I hate to laugh at your situation, but hell you know where it’s coming from…so I am laughing. That must be a sight to behold. I am so glad it helped to put you in a good place.

      Liked by 1 person

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