I am a huge Monty Python fan. I started watching them as a young lad, and was hooked. If ever you want to know why the Wulf is the way he is, you can blame part of it on this amazing comedy troupe. My pubescent and intellectually developmental years were spent watching episodes of Monty Python’s Flying Circus on PBS. I saw the movie Monty Python and the Holy Grail many times before graduating from high school, and I also crossed a picket line to see The Life of Brian in the predominantly Roman Catholic city of New Orleans. One of my all-time favorite skits is the Ministry of Silly Walks. Here is the entire sketch for those of you so inclined to watch a 4:54 classic. I recommend you do to truly get the visual of what I am about to tell you.
Just in case you didn’t know…we have cats. Many cats. A whole fucking lot of cats. Rescues, adoptions, sick strays, etc. All taken in and given the best care that money can buy. (BELIEVE me when I say that shopping at PetsMart is like paying a second freaking mortgage. Oh the things we could own if not for them.) Our cats range in age from about 5 to about 20. Yes I said about 20. I told you we take REALLY, REALLY good care of them. You might have heard me refer to this house as the island of misfit poods. If you hadn’t before, well you just did now. The reason I say this is because of the plethora of problems that permeate throughout our horde. We have 1 with diabetes that we test twice daily and give insulin. We have one that is FIV positive. Currently one is in kidney failure but happy and hanging. Our diabetic also as connective tissue disorder so bad that she can bend and be bent in any number of odd positions, like folding her tail completely over back. She looks like she is made of elastic. We have a couple with ulcerative colitis, so YAY on the product of THAT condition. So what the hell does any of this have to do with silly walks? Sheesh…impatient much?
Well, trying to walk in our house can lead to all manner of survival steps. It is not just tiptoeing and walking slowly such as…
“The right leg isn’t silly at all, and the left leg merely does a forward aerial half-turn every alternate step.” … j cleese
Oh dear dear no. I am talking full-on, combat ready, silly walking at it’s very finest.
And why does this happen you ask? You did ask, right? You didn’t? You know you want to. Oh, good. I am so glad you asked.
One cannot seem to take a step or a turn without risking crushing one of our furry friends. The could be on the other side of the room from you, but the moment you move, they are heading right where you are planning on planting your next step. Even better trying to do this while carrying things, such as groceries, when you really can’t see. Oh but you sure HEAR when you’ve dropped your size 10 on a tail. If you were to watch, you would see me doing my very best Cleesian lift, kick, twist and twirl to avoid reducing our population. So if you ever hear that the Wulf has “fallen and can’t get up” because he broke a hip. You know who and what to blame it on.