So it can still happen. You forget who you are. You are driving down life’s highway that you usually roll on and miss your turn, so you take the next one. You suddenly find yourself in a different part of town with unfamiliar landmarks and missing lampposts. When we find ourselves in this situation we are rarely if ever in a part of our self that we’ve never been to before. Oh sure, there are exceptions, but usually we just find ourselves back in a place we’ve either forgotten about or tucked away so deeply that we don’t recall we used to live there. Don’t panic, I tell others. Stop. Look. Listen. But mostly, I tell them to breathe. Breathing is such a clarifying act when we focus on it. I think I forgot to tell myself. Or if I did, I forgot to listen.
It’s time to listen to myself again. Have you ever tried holding your breath? How long can you do it? You cannot hold your breath so long that you die. You might pass out, but you WILL start breathing again at that point. You have to breathe. So why do we fight it? Why is it so hard to remember to breathe when are in that part of town? I have no freaking idea, or I wouldn’t be here writing this now. So here’s what I do know.
I am not the same person I was when I used to live in that part of town. I do not have the same flaws, influences, stimuli, or even people around me. What I discovered, however, is that is a part of me that will always BE a part of me. I control it and decide whether I let it make me miss my turn or not. This time, it’s been the chaos of our species and the world that I allowed to rule me. Things I have no control over. I allowed my ground to be shaky. I allowed the undulating foundation to spill over and cause me to be something I do not want to be. To be someone I am not good at being. To be someone I don’t like. I didn’t think this could happen to me of all people, at this stage of my life. I guess I thought I wasn’t human after all. And human’s need to breathe.